


Film and Flesh

by dirtybinary



Category: The Charioteer - Mary Renault
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-04 05:52:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtybinary/pseuds/dirtybinary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ralph drives Bim home from the Never-Ending Party. Banter and bitchery ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Film and Flesh

            Bim talked all the way home.

            His first choice of topic was, unsurprisingly, the Late Odell. He launched a rapid-fire succession of questions; when Ralph failed to answer satisfactorily, he turned from interrogation to speculation, devising elaborate and increasingly lurid hypotheses about the events of Dunkirk and the Head Boy's study. Ralph hardly knew where some of the suggestions had come from. Bim had always had a dirty mind, but even the most fertile soil needs a seed, and he could not imagine Alec—however much he seemed to have changed—being the one to sow it.

            "Really, dear," Ralph said, when he managed to cram in a word edgewise. Benzedrine had a way of blowing Bim up into a caricature of himself. All his usual traits were exaggerated, loquacity chief among them, and bitchery too. "With all you've got on your plate now, it's flattering how you're so concerned with my affairs."

            He had a bitchy voice of his own, which he reserved for emergencies such as these. The earlier shock had sharpened his tone to a ragged edge he would normally never have taken with Bim, but at the forefront of his mind was the disturbing image of Laurie alone at Sandy's party, and it edged out all other considerations.

            If Bim was offended, he didn't show it. "Well, _someone_ has to, you poor darling." He had pushed the seat as far back as it would go and curled his legs up under him. The resulting effect was both delicate and vulnerable, unsettlingly so. It put one in mind of Alec: not as he was now, but as he had been years before, a med school student in Ralph's bed for the first time. But Ralph didn't want to think of Alec now. "Otherwise," Bim was saying, "you wander off and hitch your carriage to the wrong horse, if you take my meaning. Speaking of which, whyever didn't you bring dear Bunny with you tonight? I would've _loved_ to see what your Odysseus made of him."

            The thought of Bunny and Laurie in the same room made Ralph want a stiff drink. He had often found excuses to slip out of one of Sandy's parties, but never had he been so desperate to get back. "The way you make it sound, one might think Bunny were something I could put in my pocket and take around with me all day."

            Bim giggled. "No, he would be one of those gigantic diamond choker things. So very shiny and pretty, but _such_ a bother to wear out every evening."

            Ralph smiled in spite of himself. Bim was right, as he could be when he put his mind to it. "You're biased when it comes to Bunny."

            "Naturally," said Bim with an indulgent wave of his hand, a movement both sharp and graceful. His identity bracelet threw up a dull gleam in the darkness. "But so are you, my dear; and here we are, two blind men falling over each other in the blackout."

            He subsided after that, and Ralph hoped against hope that he had fallen asleep, but the benzedrine was more potent than that. After a few minutes he revived and started to ramble again, rather more disjointedly now. He discoursed at length about his squadron, going on about the irritating quirks of this wing commander or that pilot, and it was a moment before Ralph realised he was speaking entirely in the past perfect tense. These lives were completed, closed and archived; they existed now only in memory and in Bim's gossip.

            After this revelation Ralph tucked Laurie's image away in his mind and applied himself more thoroughly to the conversation, such as it was.

            By the time they pulled up in front of Warren's apartment, Bim had talked himself out. The shine was wearing off, the bleak exhaustion behind it growing increasingly apparent, but he shook off Ralph's supporting arm and bounded up the stairs like a gazelle. "Here I am, Warren; my friends decided I would be a greater boon to my bed than their party."

            "Your friends were right," said Warren. He was a retired Air Force group captain; a tall man, who stood very erect and proper. He and Ralph had approved of each other at first sight. "Your sedative's on the table, you'd better take it now."

            "Don't listen to him, Ralph, I could go on forever," Bim said. "Really, I've half a mind to drive myself back now."

            The captain arched an eyebrow at him, and retreated across the landing to his room with a backward look over his shoulder, as if to say _your prerogative_. In his face one could still see the well-preserved remains of what, twenty or even ten years ago, must have been striking good looks. He was not so old; it was fortunate that his eyes had gone bad before their time, or he would almost certainly have been called up for active duty again; and then, Ralph thought, who would look after Bim?

            "Nonsense, my dear," Ralph said at length. "Take it and go to sleep; it's a much better use of your time than one of those overwrought parties."

            Bim sighed and deflated. "That depends on who is at the party," he said, but he swallowed the pill and allowed Ralph to steer him into his room.

            It took ten minutes to get him undressed and settled in bed. His fingers trembled on the buttons of his uniform, but whenever Ralph tried to help him he scowled and jerked back as if offered a deadly insult. (One might have thought he would leap at the chance to have Ralph touch him, but Bim had never been one to play the pity card.) The sedative seemed to dull his wits and loosen his associations without actually putting him to sleep. Now and then he forgot what he was doing and started telling stories about Warren's exploits in the Great War; to hear him tell it, the man was a decorated hero ten times over, and ought to have received a knighthood besides. 

            During a lull in the story, Ralph pulled the duvet to Bim's chin and started to say goodnight, but Bim caught his hand—the right one—and trapped it in place with a wiry grip. "Why don't you stay a little longer? Odysseus wandered ten years, he can wander a bit more."

            _He can't_ , Ralph thought, but he hadn't the heart to say it. He squeezed Bim's hand. They could hear Warren clumping around on the landing, throwing a shadow across the thin strip of light that filtered in under the door. "Try to sleep, dear."

            "I will," said Bim, "but it takes a while. Stay and talk for a bit. I liked it when you were with Bunny, you know."

            There was the past tense again; habit, perhaps, or a prescience truer than reality. "What?" 

            "At least I knew you weren't in love. It was just that you met him first, and he was handsome, and tall, and likely to live out the year." Bim had forgotten to embellish with the high girlish trills; this was his flight lieutenant's voice, laying out the bare facts. "This Odell person is different." 

            It was unnecessary to concur, so Ralph remained silent.

            "He'll have to fight for you. I hope he has the stomach for it. Next time I won't make it so easy for him. I shan't take it lying down." He seemed to become aware that he was, in fact, lying down, and giggled. "Wait, don't you dare go now when I'm almost asleep. One more minute."

            "All right," Ralph said. It was a good thing Bim was staying with Warren, not one of Sandy's set; otherwise Ralph would never have felt safe leaving him here. Toto Phelps had offered his spare room a little too hopefully, as he recalled, but to his credit Bim had declined.

            "Don't you mind me," said Bim. He propped himself up on an elbow to plump his pillow, lay down again, and immediately got back up to pluck at the sheet. "I'm talking a load of bull. It's the drugs, you know, it isn't me really. You can go whenever you like. Warren's just out there." 

            "He's good to you," Ralph said, easing him back down. "Listen, Bim, did I ever tell you about the time in Beira when my first mate, the half-crazed one I mentioned before, you know the one…"

            Bim didn't stir as he crept out of the room five minutes later, tipped his hat to the old captain and ran back to his car. Ralph had been told he had a soothing voice, and would be good with children someday; but then he was sure children did not usually pretend so well.


End file.
